K-Dawg's ODE to Schrag

Schrag is my hero. She is quite possibly the funniest person I know. Some of the things she says and does are frickin hilarious. Yesterday she said to me, "Kellie, I love the things that come out of your mouth." In all reality, I love the things that come out of Schrag's mouth. I'm not really sure what I said yesterday to inspire Schrag's comment, but she must have thought it was funny. Schrag loves the things that come out of my mouth because sometimes I don't speak very well. I mix up words and I say the wrong words sometimes – I dedicate this problem to my Bulgarian friends. (Yeah Hristo and Yavor and Teddy – I love you guys!!) For example, most normal people would say "and things like that." I say "and things like this." Crazy. I know. Does anybody really care? Probably not. But I know Schrag will laugh about it and I dedicate this entire blog entry to her.

Just a little side note: I started this dedication today at work. Not a good idea. Another little side note: if your name isn't Amber Schrag, you may not find any of the following stories funny. In fact you may think we are weird. We are. That's what makes us so fun. If you do find these stories funny, I hope you pee your pants. I've almost done that – more than once.

Yesterday we went to the mall. That was funny. We ate at the food court. Schrag went to get some custard. They have a flavor of the day (yesterday's was payday) and a feature of the day (cappuccino caramel). She got to the counter and said to the guy, "I'd like a scoop of the cappuccino, you know, the flavor of the day." I didn't see this event unfold, but I guess the guy was rather perplexed. He looked at her with a weird look until she finally told him a scoop of the flavor of the day. She got back to our table and said it wasn't really what she wanted, that she got confused because she really wanted the cappuccino flavor, but she said the flavor of the day…….. After taking a good long look at it, she decided that it looked good and tasted good anyway. Actually after she was ¾ the way done with it, she looked at her spoon full of ice cream and said, “this looks really good.” I was confused. Had she JUST figured out that it tasted good or what? A few minutes after she finished her flavor of the day, she blurted out, "sometimes I go through life" and then she started laughing. Uncontrollably. And then she started crying because she was laughing so hard. After a long pause and three tears out of each eye, she said, "Sometimes I go through life and I don’t realize what a dork I am until I think about it later." I damn near peed myself because I don’t think I’ve ever heard something so random, and that was probably the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time. The mall excursion ended with Schrag beautifully decked out in the hottest pink of hot pink blush. It was actually a nice look. I think she should consider buying some and wearing it every day. She’d be sure to pick up the men that way! Good times. Schrag, I frickin love you!!!!

I went to the Schmeckfest musical to hear Amber play her clarinet but mainly to check out this Jesse kid she had been talking about. He sounded really hot and I wanted to see if he was a prospect. She told me once he was wearing mesh shorts, a button-down shirt and tennis shoes. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure that turned me on. Schrag did a very nice job in the orchestra. I only heard her once. Oh this is a funny story and I never told her this. It was in between scenes and the orchestra was playing to fill up the time between the change of sets and the cast coming out on the stage. Well, the cast was coming back out and Lloyd, the director, had stopped directing and everyone had stopped playing. Except Schrag. There she was, clarinet solo, baby!!! She must not have been paying attention…I was actually quite proud of her. She sounded good!

Speaking of not paying attention, we all know that Schrag was in a little fender-bender. I went out to see her car the night it happened and I had all I could do to keep from laughing. She was so pissed off, her front end was quite damaged, and I just found the whole situation to be quite amusing. Well, Schrag, I haven’t ever told you this, but here’s another ALMOST fender-bender story that might not be so funny to you, but is quite hilarious to me. Remember when I took your Taurus for a little “ride?” Oh, how could you forget?! On the way to the park that night, Dargatz and I almost hit a deer. Now this was BEFORE the “B”, so I wasn’t frantic or excited or anything, I was calm and collected, and I was able to stop in time. Maybe you should take lessons from me. Oh wait, not a good idea as was not a good idea the situation I was in. (Bulgarian language!) A little inside scoop: Schrag’s car was not in the best working condition, but I stole it anyway. We were at the bar and Dargatz and I decided we wanted to go have a little “fun.” Schrag realized we stole her car and started RUNNING after us. Imagine Schrag, drunk, a little pissed off, running frantically to catch her precious Taurus. Comical, huh?!? Yep, she’s hilarious.

Did you know that sometimes Schrag gags? She has what Dawn likes to call post-nasal drip. SICK!! And sometimes she gets water logged. One day when we lived in Keystone she drank I think a whole gallon of water, laid down on the living room floor and didn’t move. She almost threw up. She does this quite often. And another time she threw up…in the bathroom sink…because she was drunk…I was going to the bathroom and she was trying to brush her teeth. Before I knew it she was digging puke out of the sink because it wouldn’t go down the drain. SICK! We got it all taken care of and went back to the bar for more alcohol. Yeah, buddy, those were the days!!!!!!!! KEYSTONE ROCKS!!!!!!

Schrag and Dawn and I are going camping this weekend…..in a friend’s back yard. It will be good times. I bought a big ass tent with two rooms. We’re going to try it out. Maybe it will “get too cold” and we’ll have to go “sleep inside.”

So maybe sometime again Schrag will let me write in her blog. I bet it’s kind of exciting seeing a post from someone else! Actually maybe not because she might learn of more things that I didn’t tell her about our days in Keystone. Just don’t leave me alone with anybody named Dargatz. That is dangerous.

K-DAWG….OUT.

ps1
i'm sorry for my english because i forgot it

ps2
HOW CAN I FORGOT IT WHEN I DIDN'T KNOW ENGLISH